Dear Pregnant Self,
At now 38 (!!!) weeks of your pregnancy, I know you’re just about done with it, literally and figuratively. Although everything feels uncomfortable and you daydream of having your non-pregnant body back, you’re also torn, knowing that once this baby comes, life will border between chaos and a hazy daze. You swing back and forth between anticipating baby’s arrival (wanting to meet her, wanting to hold her, wanting to finally see what she looks like, wanting to introduce her to big brother & big sister) and wanting to keep her nestled inside you for just a bit longer. Pregnancy is such a mysterious thing, unlike anything else.
But it’s also no walk in the park, especially these last few weeks/days. But let me take this time, between finishing packing up a hospital bag and before rallying up the kids for dinner, to tell you, you’re doing an incredible job.
I know you’ve often gotten to the end of a day and felt like it didn’t amount to much, that you weren’t productive. You’ve struggled with feelings of inadequacy and battled the mundane, the feeling of life being Groundhog Day. The lethargy and limitations of pregnancy have bogged you down at times. But you’ve done all this with two kids, through a global pandemic - the peak of it here in Korea. (Actually, this is the second time going through pregnancy during this pandemic… and that’s a feat in and of itself.)
You’ve struggled with all the changes going on in and to your body - the weight gain, the swelling, the heartburn, the mid-night wakings to pee every two hours. But I want to remind you, you’ve been creating a life, a human being. Your body is amazing. It has created and birthed two beautiful children and now will soon birth another.
Yes, sheer panic flooded over you when you found out about this pregnancy – as it caught you by total surprise. But remember, though it may not have been in your plans, it was and has been in God’s. His ways are higher, his thoughts higher.
“We thought we were through but God gave us you”
I know you feel anxious about labor and delivery and postpartum recovery. I know you’re scared about how you will juggle the demands of being a mom of three, when life will return to “normalcy”, when and if you’ll ever go back to a job, a career, a calling outside the home. But remember to take a good look at your two children: how fast time goes, how quickly they grow up. “The days are long but the years are short.” Remember to stay present, to embrace your season.
And remember how long it took and how hard it was when we couldn’t conceive? The many, many tears cried, the many, many prayers prayed. God has shown you so much favor, He is so faithful.
And knowing this will be the LAST time, as uncomfortable as it is, as ready as you are for pregnancy to be over, soak it all in - the baby’s movements, naps during the day, lunch dates with hubby, even the discomforts of pregnancy. Because soon, it will all be over. Soon, you will welcome baby girl in your arms and a new season will be upon you.
Love,
Your Pregnant Self