Pregnancy #3: 25 weeks

I didn’t think I would be pregnant a third time. And yet here we are.

And I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to write my first pregnancy update with this baby as I’m nearing my third trimester.

Truthfully, most of the first trimester was spent miserable and confused, wondering if I could really do this. Doubt and fear filled my mind most of the time. But with time, a lot of prayer and support from loved ones, I turned a new leaf. Second trimester has been a blur. Being with O, now 18 months old, all day everyday is a joy but also extremely exhausting. And to top all of that, I recently realized this is my second pregnancy during this pandemic… Pregnancy, birth and postpartum are challenging in and of themselves but navigating them during a global pandemic present unique challenges. So it’s crazy, to say the least, that I’m going through it a second time.

Week 25 was an eventful one. I had a check up with my new OBGYN doctor. I not only had a lot of tests, including my glucose test (which I passed!) I found out I had abnormal thyroid levels so I went back for more bloodwork and a thyroid ultrasound. I’m also on additional iron supplements because my iron level was low.

We also found out we’re having a…

We had toyed with the idea of waiting to find out at birth but I couldn’t help myself.

And once I found out, I wanted to share the news with the kids (and hubby) in a fun way. So the gender volcano reveal it was!

At 6 months~

Baby's size: An eggplant! 13 inches in length!
Pros: Seeing a glimpse of baby’s face! And finding out gender!
Cons: Legs swelling and the occasional cramps at night. And heartburn… Fatigue (where did the second trimester energy go?), and just overall feeling more and more uncomfortable as this belly is getting bigger by the day.
Craving: Strangely nothing in particular
Outlook on the coming of baby: I’m growing more excited. When I found out we were having a girl, my initial feeling was one of worry. I just finished reading a book on sibling rivalry so I’ve been thinking a lot about just that. And with O and baby #3 only being 21 months apart, I began worrying about any jealousy, comparison and competition. But the more I talked to people with sisters and the more I think about it, I’m so thankful we’re going to have two girls!
Feelings about husband and J and O: Whether it’s the pregnancy hormones, the fatigue of chasing an active and opinionated 18-month-old, I’ve been snappier and crankier than usual. Often, I find myself having mom guilt and worried about how I will be able to juggle three children. But I’m thankful for a husband who is a partner in every sense. And I’m thankful for J who is empathetic and sensitive, and for O who is so spunky and full of life. They have been my cheerleaders when I’m having a “moment”.

I love

I love the pitter patter of J’s feet as he makes his way to our room every morning. I love when my dad asks if I want coffee and brings me over a freshly brewed cup. I love when my husband brings O down from her room and she has her morning milk in bed with us.

I love routine. I love my daily walks with O. I love the slow life that has naturally accompanied life in the countryside. I love that through taking walks around our neighborhood, I witness the change of seasons, the life of farmers, the cultivation of a garden. The tilling of the earth, the methodical planting of seeds.

I love watching my parents with my kids. I love that I get to see glimpses of how they looked at me by the way they look at my daughter. I love that my dad still calls me his 아가씨, his little girl.

I love crossing things off my to-do list. I love my bullet journal. I love filling in the bubbles in my habit tracker.

I love fall. I love the crisp air that it brings. I love “sweater weather”. I love the smell that wafts up from leaves on the ground, the crunch as I walk over and through them and how it brings me back to a time when “back-to-school” was an annual occurrence.

I love a clean house.

I love reciting lines from “Elf” with my husband.

I love a good sandwich. As of late, it’s with lots of guacamole and some pesto spread on each slide of bread and a whole lot of arugula, tomatoes and some turkey in between. Sometimes, even a pickle.

I love me a good pampering in the name of self-care. Anything from painting my nails to a face mask, to the real deal of a massage or facial at an aesthetician.

I love seeing things through the wonder of my 16-month-old. The bark of a nearby dog, the sudden flight of a bird, the swaying of reeds in the wind.

I love learning new things and rediscovering the old alongside my almost five-year-old. His current obsessions: all things ancient civilizations – Egypt, Aztec, Mayan.

I love visits from friends and family. I love face-to-face conversations. I love quality time with loved ones.

-Post inspired by Laura Rennie

About grace

It’s been a year and some change since my last post. A year I’ve paid for this domain with no updates. A year of wondering if paying for it was a waste. A year I’ve contemplated writing but didn’t for this, that and another slew of reasons, excuses.

But despite the silence here, life has kept going. And it’s been a whirlwind, especially as of late.

I’m 18 weeks pregnant with baby #3 and it’s taken me this long to come around to it all. The first 14 or so weeks was challenging, to say the least. Battling morning sickness, but you know the “all day kind” (why do they even call it morning sickness? What a misnomer…), while being home full-time with an active toddler was overwhelming. Wrapping my head around being pregnant this time around, when it hadn’t been in my plans, has been emotionally exhausting. But now, in week 18, I am turning a corner.

Pregnancy has always been about not only preparation to birth the new life growing in me, but also birthing a new me. A new season, a new self, a new identity. And sometimes that’s the hardest work.

Pregnancy does a weird thing. It surfaces emotions, thoughts and makes me dig deep… and sparks in me a desire to be vulnerable, to be creative, to embrace the raw beauty of life.

It’s taken me some time but here’s to being back, in this space, taking up space and being present.

O at 1 month

Baby Olive came to us over a month ago (already!) and has shaken, rocked, flipped our world upside down.

They told me that my heart would grow to love another again, but uniquely. Now, I’m not sure why I ever had even a shadow of a doubt. She is “without equal or rival” and we’re all smitten.

J has been a doting older brother, so sweet, so incredibly helpful. And my heart has been exploding watching them together.

Even at just a week old, O was already showing us she has a strong neck, holding her head up. Now, she’s trying to stand up (!!!) I thought J was athletic but she may give her big brother a run for his money. (Slow down, baby girl!) She eats like a champ and has gained a good amount of weight already, but sleep is another story. It has become a bit harder to come by but the culprit may be gas. She’s been my little sidekick, always attached me day in, day out. The days, and nights, are long and I’m exhausted but my heart is full.

7 days old

Happy one month, O!

Motherhood: Life with a newborn

I’ve been gone for a bit and how I’ve missed writing. But the last month has been a whirlwind. We had a baby, people! And she’s already a month old!

Some thoughts on life these days, what motherhood looks and feels like as of late.

• Some days I power through laundry, freelance work from home, read to my toddler before sending him off on the bus to daycare, vacuum, tidy up… and I feel like a rockstar! But let’s be real. MOST days, I’m lucky if I put on a fresh shirt or remember to wash my face. And this week, with J home with his daycare on break, I’ve been on survival mode learning to juggle life with two kids.

• This newborn stage is all-consuming. Breastfeeding is a full-time, around-the-clock job.

• I forgot how much newborns cry. I get it. That’s how they communicate. But my mama bear instincts kick into high gear along with my stress, adrenaline, hormones. Oh, not to mention mama’s boobs respond to baby’s cries too.

• Baby girl has recently decided she will only sleep on me. This has presented to be quite the challenge, especially with big brother at home this week. I’ve resorted to a lot of screen time for J and my arms feel like noodles most hours of the day.

• “Mommy brain” is a real thing. I have a hard time stringing together words. Recall is a thing of the past. Thanks, sleep deprivation and postnatal depletion.

• Mom guilt- I thought I knew a thing or two about it but boy has its intensity and depth hit me hard becoming a mom of two. I’m trying to balance everything, wanting to be everything for everyone and feeling like I’m constantly dropping the ball somewhere. “Mom grace” is a thing we all need to practice.

• Baby smirks are possibly one of the best things in the world. It melts away all the aches and pains and weariness. Oh, and the newborn smell! It’s intoxicating. I sniff her all day long.