Today is Easter Sunday.
I’d like to say it was a wonderful day, bright and cheery, full of celebration and joy from start to finish. Though it was true for the most part, I also must confess I got into an argument with Y. I’d like to blame it on being quarantined together for weeks on end, or even pregnancy hormones, but it’s really just the frailty of my heart.
It was over something really silly, as it usually is with arguments. But when I gave myself a timeout and sat in bed thinking it over, tracing back my steps and how my emotions got to such a place, I realized it came down to social media.
I know that sounds ridiculous. But let me backtrack and explain.
Earlier that day, I was scrolling through my Instagram feed per usual. But it was filled with parents prepping for Easter egg hunts for their children, elaborate egg decorating stations and beautifully filled Easter baskets. And I suddenly felt a pang of guilt. Because I didn’t do anything or have anything planned. I’d like to blame it on COVID19 and social distancing that prevented preparation. But no, I just didn’t think to do anything and honestly hadn’t thought it was that important.
But once I saw pastel-colored baskets and chocolate treats and the quintessential plastic eggs, I started questioning myself. “Should I have prepared something? Am I a bad parent because I’m not making this Easter memorable for J?”
I went over to confess this all to my husband but even before I said anything, he took the words right out of my mouth. Then he gave me a big hug and I had a good cry on his shoulder. Y reminded me that I am making memories for J everyday and that what’s most important is that he learned the meaning of Easter today (!!!)
We recently realized our church offers online worship streaming for the children’s ministry and today was week two of J tuning in. After he watched in his room (while we streamed our own service) Y read the Bible with him, the part about Christ’s death and resurrection. J then blurted out, “Jesus died and was buried but he rose!” Y and I were absolutely amazed! That he understood and retained that from his worship service! Then later, we caught him singing a song neither of us had heard before. When we asked what song he was singing, he told us it was a song he learned from the worship video. I went and watched it with him and lo and behold it was the last song from today’s worship set! The lyrics went something like this, “I love Jesus, I love him so much!”
During a Good Friday service we streamed the other day, a pastor said that this pandemic is making many of us realize what we once thought was major is actually minor, and what we believed was minor is actually major.
How quick I am to make something so minor into something major… But this makes His grace hit much deeper and taste so much sweeter. As I wind down for the day, I am thankful for so much: being safe at home with my family, technology to be able to stream worship services, baby girl moving a ton during today’s service, and our church’s “drive-thru Easter egg pick-up” today. Since we haven’t had church service in quite a while, the church leaders organized a “drive-thru/walk-thru” where we were able to see the church staff briefly and pick up Easter eggs and a bar of soap they had prepared as gifts! The whole thing only took us a matter of minutes but it filled my heart with such joy and gratitude. We came home and Y hid the eggs in our backyard for an impromptu Easter egg hunt for J and then we peeled them and ate them with our lunch.
I look at these pictures of J from today and realize he doesn’t need pomp and circumstance, glitz or glamour. He just needs connection and presence. Oh, to have a child-like heart…
Days like today are a reminder that we all sometimes need to take a step back, to reassess and recalibrate. And sometimes just have a good cry.