Work-life balance? The struggles of juggling the demands of work and family

I live for fall mornings, the brisk air telling me to pull out a cardigan before heading to the kitchen to make myself a hot cup of coffee, a splash of hazelnut syrup, please. To then find my seat at my desk with my sky-high pile of journals to jot down all those pesky thoughts jumbled inside my brain. Lately, my mind has been consumed with all the things I wish I could be doing but can’t:

• “because I don’t have time”

• “because the kids are home with me”

• “because I’m too tired”

And this way of thinking has been causing my mind to feed my heart a toxic negativity, a “woe is me” mentality, a “glass is half empty” attitude. And somewhere in my heart, I caught onto this lie that motherhood is a burden, that my current season is one to just endure through.

So it’s no wonder why I’ve been lacking joy. The kids have just felt like obstacles to my work, to my free time, the cause of my fatigue. It’s no wonder I’ve been lacking joy because I’ve been getting it all wrong. They’re not obstacles, they’re not the cause of my problems, they are a gift, my source of joy. “It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem. It’s me.”

With a new freelance gig that is taking up a lot more time than I had initially anticipated, I have been struggling to juggle the demands of (paid) work and family (because raising a family is WORK!) You would think three kids in, I would have maybe learned the fine balancing act parenthood is but that’s the thing. Life with kids is unpredictable. Take yesterday for example. I sat down at the local library to get a few good hours of work in (that were carefully planned to help me meet a deadline) but I got a message from O’s teacher saying she had a fever. So then I packed up all my things, headed over to her daycare to pick her up and then rather than get work done, I made her lunch, gave her a snack, listened to her never-ending (but entertaining and endearing) tales and lied down with her for her nap. Only then did I get very little work done.

That’s my current biggest challenge: to find joy in the mess, to remain present in the chaos, to not endure motherhood but to enjoy it. Though my head desires order and things to go according to (my) plan, to stay in a place of gratitude, even when things don’t (which happen to be most of the time).

Work-life balance? Is there such a thing? What have I been doing to try and keep my head above water? Head over to the podcast to listen to the episode!

On birthdays, gratitude and self-advocacy

I’ve never been a fan of my birthday. An August baby, I often found most of my classmates on family holidays around then and it’s possible I carried the disappointment from those early years into adulthood. My birthdays never seemed to “measure up” to all the expectations I had drawn up in my head but couldn’t express, afraid to be labeled “greedy”, “selfish”, or “materialistic”. So I kept those expectations quietly to myself while secretly stewing resentment and disappointment.

I used to hate my birthday. But now, I have embraced birthdays, like new years, as a ritual of sorts, a chance to look back and reflect and a time to prepare for what’s to come. With a clear demarcation of a beginning and end, birthdays serve as a marker of sorts.

As moms, we tend to focus more on our children’s birthdays and we naturally do this on our children’s birthdays- think about their development, milestones but why not do that on ours as well? It’s now become an annual tradition leading up to my birthday, to reflect on the past year and jot down things I’m grateful for, as many as the age I’m turning! So this year, I wrote down 38 things (!!!)

And especially this year, something changed. It may be that this entire year has been one long lesson in “managing expectations” (something that maybe just comes with the territory of having three kids) or maybe that having had three kids has fundamentally changed me from within. But I also shook off any shame of asking for things this year: when my husband asked me how I wanted to spend my birthday, what I wanted, what I wanted to eat, I specifically laid out my wishes, advocated for my needs and it was the best birthday yet:)

Just some thoughts on birthdays, gratitude and self-advocacy.

For more, head over to “Motherhood in the Motherland” Podcast on Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music or Buzzsprout!

This is 38.

Traveling with three kids (Anmyeon-do, Jeju-do, Yangyang)

“Home is where the heart is” and Korea is home. It’s my place of residence but also my place of birth; both my routes and my roots. Korea is a country full of beauty and mystery, one where modern meets old, present meets past, one I am so proud to call my motherland.

And ever since we moved here nine years ago, Young and I have been exploring its nooks and crannies and now, we get to experience it through the eyes of our three kids. My husband often says that moving back to our motherland has felt like rereading a childhood favorite book – nostalgia layered with new perspectives. Fresh eyes to rediscover the familiar and uncover the hidden treasures.

Traveling with littles is not for the faint of heart. Our youngest is 16 months and at a challenging stage to travel with, but we’ve still managed to do it. And this summer, we traveled throughout Korea, hitting up the west coast, the east coast, Jeju-do and I even squeezed in a visit to my parents in the southern-most province of Jeolla-do. I took the kids to my parents’ by myself and let’s just say I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.

Those visiting Korea know the usual suspects, Seoul and Busan. And don’t get me wrong- they’re great. But because we live here, we’ve been finding areas that are less frequented.

안면도 Anmyeon-do: With both O and my mom having July birthdays, we took this trip with my parents as half birthday celebration, half summer-kickoff. Young booked the “kids’ room” and though it wasn’t ideal for a family of five, we made it work (a theme in all our travels).

It was actually our second time to the resort, Island Resom and there’s a reason why. It’s convenient and comfortable for families with children. With multiple restaurants on site, and delivery directly to your room for a small cost, we enjoyed an array of cuisines comfortably.

Sushi and fried chicken? Why not?

Aside from several eating options, the resort has a kids’ play area/library/arcade/pool and spa all within the resort, making traveling with littles much more manageable. Also included in our package was a self-photoshoot (all the rage here in Korea these days). We made sure to make the most of it and got the best photos of our family.

The main restaurant at the resort offered a breakfast buffet that we took advantage of our last day. And the restaurant thought of every last detail to make it truly kid-friendly. Highchairs are a given, but they even had a separate kids’ section! It was at a height making it easy for kids to access the food independently and was stocked with kids’ plates and utensils and kid-favorites. They even had packaged seaweed!

And the very best part? The resort is right on the water, just a few steps away from the beach. Anmyeon-do is known for its 갯벌, mudflat, the perfect playground for littles to freely explore, finding creatures and shells, without the worry for parents of being near water.

제주도 Jeju-do: Something that’s been popular amongst pockets of Koreans these days is “제주살이”- living in Jeju for a temporary period of time. Jeju seems to offer the perfect change of scenery and change of pace. And thanks to our friends doing 제주살이, we got an inside look into life in Jeju- eating where the locals eat, and visiting places that were not swarmed by tourists.

Jeju has a vibe all of its own. The volcanic rock walls all throughout the island really are special and unique to island.

They call Jeju the “Hawaii of Korea”. And in many ways, I can understand why. Hawaii, though a part of the U.S., feels like a completely different country and Jeju is similar in that way. And with sandy beaches, blue waters and green mountains, Jeju has it all.

We spent a day at the beach - our friends led us to the most idyllic cove. Truthfully, I’m not a big beach person. Maybe it’s the sand, the stickiness, the waves and the unpredictability. But I thoroughly enjoyed this cove. It was perfect.

The main objective for our Jeju trip was soaking up every last bit of quality time with our dear friends before they left Korea. And we got to do just that, while crossing off the few things on my to-do list – get 회 (raw fish) and good coffee, see horses, go to the beach, and take a walk through the forest.

Our friends are experts at “breaking bread”, bringing people together for food and fellowship. Around their dining table, we got chatting about the trivial, the deep, and I left this particular trip refreshed, rejuvenated and with a new fire in my heart to pursue passions and dreams.

양양 Yangyang: Our final trip of the summer was to Yangyang, a beach town on the east coast of Korea, known for its surfing. Korea’s east coast has the bragging rights for the best air quality (something quite important here) and between the clear air and lush mountains, it’s a favorite vacation spot.

Photo by @walkwithdoug

This trip was with friends we’ve done life with since day 1 of parenting. It’s special when you have a group of people you’ve done life with and can travel with. Despite our group being 15 people total, 7 kids and 8 adults, we all found a groove. When you do life together, and the kids jive and the parents jive, everything becomes easier.

We rented an Airbnb right by the beach and spent 2 night, 3 days in Yangyang. Between a game night that was elaborately planned by two dads (with the best prizes and a powerpoint presentation and all), and noraebang c/o the Airbnb, it was eventful.

Our beach day was at a beach less known than THE beach in Yangyang. And it was the perfect choice because with no crowds, we all got a bit of sun and sand.

We rented two picnic benches that came with parasols which came in handy giving us much-needed shade and a place to eat. We managed a lunch on the beach – some of us ordering burgers from a local joint and others taking full advantage of a Korean convenience store and all of its glory.

Photos by @walkwithdoug

On our last day, we found a cafe with views. We eventually found seating to accommodate all of us and indulged in baked goodies and got our fill of caffeinated drinks. There was a moment when the four boys sat at their own table with their drinks and a game, and I got emotional, thinking about how good friends are sometimes all we need in life.

And that’s a wrap!

Thanks for tuning into the longest blog post ever…

Leave a comment on any other topics you’d like to hear about on the “Motherhood in the Motherland” podcast!!!

"Motherhood in the Motherland": MY PODCAST

I did a thing!

I started a podcast!

It’s been something on my heart for quite some time but between having three kids and well, just life, I kept putting it off. But recently, a lot happened to move me to start, one of them being books I’ve been recently reading, one being “시작은 언제나 옳다” and the other, “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron.

Join me on “Motherhood in the Motherland” as I share my experience as a Korean American mom of three navigating parenting/motherhood, life as an expat/”gyopo” 교포 and cultural differences in Korea, my motherland.

You can follow and listen to “Motherhood in the Motherland” on Apple and Spotify.

In my first episode- “Back to the Motherland: Why we moved to Korea” where I share about what stirred me to (finally!) start this podcast, the story behind why my husband and I moved to Korea and how our move to Korea fundamentally changed us.

Please leave me a comment on this post to share your thoughts or any ideas for future episodes!!!

A page is turned: Board Books

Being a SAHM with a 13-month-old currently looks like reading the same books, over and over and over again until I’m blue in the face.

But I’m glad she’s been loving books so I will pick up those books and read them to her again. For the umpteenth time.

N’s current favorites:

Dear Zoo, by Rod Campbell

I remember reading this as a child! A true classic, it is timeless. A child writes to the zoo to send a pet and little readers love lifting the flaps to discover the animals the zoo has sent. It’s silly, it’s sweet and all three kids have loved this board book (can you tell from the worn cover?)

“That’s Not My” Series, Usborne Books

We have a few of the “That’s Not My” series, both in Korean and English. These board books are perfect for even infants. With simple, repetitive language and textures to touch and feel on every page, they’re perfect for helping develop sensory awareness and language development.

There are a ton in this series in many languages!

The Very Hungry Caterpillar, by Eric Carle
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr / Eric Carle

There’s a reason classics are classics. I’ve always loved Eric Carle books but I’ve fallen in love with them all over again seeing them through the eyes of my kids - the repetitions, the colorful illustrations, the cadence. They’re one for the generations - teaching children the days of the weeks, colors, animal names, numbers, life cycle of the caterpillar.
Bonus: Brown Bear, Brown Bear has come in handy with J who is just starting to learn to read!

Maisy Series,

by Lucy Cousins

N loves Maisy! She brings these books over to me all day. And when I go to open up the book, a smile comes across her face like she’s getting together with a long-lost friend.

These “Lift-the-Flap” books make them interactive and are perfect for N right now at her age. There are a ton more in the Maisy series.

Maisy Series, by Lucy Cousins

I found these treasures years ago at a used-bookstore here in Korea. They’re bilingual - each page in both English and Korean - double the fun!